In two weeks I have my next endo appointment scheduled and I am already nervous.

I am eating like it is going out of style and my increase of mass is proof positive! At work I am constantly munching on anything I can get my hands on and continue with it when I get home! I feel like I will never get back on track with Weight Watchers. I feel so far gone.

And because of all the poor food choices my blood sugars have paid the price. I keep running high all day to only crash in the middle of the night. I feel out of wack and completely out of control.

So now I have to face the music with my endocrinologist and frankly I don’t want to.

I want to ditch. (READ MORE)

PhotoInference

Diabetes is never just one disease to handle. Sure, technically, medically, or definitively, diabetes is simply one disease. But in the daily management of the disease, it's a complex ball of diseases and risks.

Most of us understand the complications that come along with diabetes. We know that better control lowers our risk for all of those complications. We understand that those complications sometimes have a mind of their own, that despite years of good control they might still creep into our lives.

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I received a comment on my post from yesterday that really struck a chord with me. The reader commented that their parents had died from diabetes and that they would die from it too.

When I read that I got choked up because honestly, I feel the same way.

Sure I plan on fighting the fight and checking my blood as often as I am supposed to. Of course I will continue to work on my A1C and losing weight. I am not giving up on life at all. But, in the back of my mind I “know” that diabetes is going to win in the end.

Will it be heart disease, kidney failure, or a stroke? Maybe something else. Who knows?

The fact is that with all the steps I take to live healthy the odds are against me. Diabetes has the upper hand which makes me sad and angry at the same time.

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I have not been compliant with my diabetes protocol for several months.  I haven't been testing, I haven't been watching what I eat or exercising.  I've even been eating straight carb snacks - when I'm supposed to "never eat carbs alone! "

I can "get away" with this once in a while because I'm early in Type 2.  But today I read a story that  pulled me up short. 

People with diabetes are 15 times more likely to have a lower limb amputation than those without the disease.  Yes, FIFTEEN times more likely.  And then, 70% of the people who have amputations are dead within 5 years.

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I want to be healthy. I want to live as long as I can. I want to be complication free. I want to not have diabetes.

3 of those 4 statements above I can actually do something about. I can watch what I eat, exercise, and check my blood sugar all the time. I cannot cure myself but if I can take care of the other three then I would be doing pretty good in my book.

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I just realized that I have been using an insulin pump for over two years! I missed my Pump Anniversary!    

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