This morning, getting ready for work. I looked at the scattering of dots on my thighs from old pump sites. And then I wrote this...

We test, we write it down - we test, we store results - we test, we examine results - we test, we make decisions about what to do next.

We eat, we calculate - we eat, we guess - we eat, we dose - we eat, we hold our breath and hope we've done everything right.

We take our medication, we adjust our doses - we take our medication, we wonder if it's the very best medicine for us - we take our medication, we hope that it serves our body well - we take our medication, and wait for the next big advance.

  (READ MORE)

I am snuggled safe in my bed, with my insulin pump tucked up against me, working just fine.  I wish I was aware of this.

But I'm not. 

I am in the living room of my Aunty Dot's house in Weymouth, MA.  The purple seventies style shag carpeting growing up between my toes like grass.  I am leaning on a plaid recliner.  My brothers are there.  We're kids.  And we're with my dad.  We're eating chinese food.  Only my chinese food is pink.  If I explained all of the things wrong with the above scenario (for example: my Aunty Dot has been gone a long time and she never actually had a shag carpet), the pink chinese food would seem perfectly fine. .

  (READ MORE)

I have finally decided to get my act together. I've had enough of yo-yoing bloodsugar. I've been lazy about my gym routine for long enough.

This week was a good start at getting back on track.

I tested my basal rates over the weekend and on Monday and found that I needed to make a minor adjustment or two. The new basal rates kicked ass on Tuesday and Wednesday and have been treating me well today. Step one - check. (READ MORE)

Ugh.

That is the perfect one word description of my diabetes management these days.  I am off the rails.  I am not on track.  I am completely (or so it seems) - out of control.  I see highs, I see lows, I see some in-range sugars - but mostly - not. 

Today, for example.  68 mg/dl this morning.  No breakfast, because I was too busy, just some Fuse Banana Colada juice.  119 mg/dl at around noon time.  Salad.  No test until 4pm.  4pm.  And I've tested two times today.  Then I'm 200 mg/dl...  So what do I do?  I have a carb heavy dinner and some ice cream.  I am 236 mg/dl at 6:30 pm.  I am 175 mg/dl now.  Terrible.  Terrible.  Terrible.  And not rare these days.

I haven't been to the gym at all this week.  Work activities.  Home searches...  Other stuff that's - distracting. 

  (READ MORE)

I am sometimes disappointed by the things my body can't do or by the things my does because of my diabetes.  Like yesterday, when a downward cruising bloodsugar derailed my plans for a solid workout at the gym. 

I was let down by my body's inability to stabilize. 

I was let down by the fact that what has been working very well in terms of late afternoon/early evening basal dosing failed me.

And I was let down by the fact that even after juice and an early dinner of 40 carb grams with no bolus, I barely got thirty five minutes of exercise in before my rapidly dropping bloodsugar forced me to stop...

  (READ MORE)