It was 18 years ago today that I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

I was a senior in high school, had lots of friends, a steady girlfriend, was drum major of our band, and was always on the go. I had recently lost a bunch of weight which I attributed to my fast paced life of practices, dates, parties, and other stuff. I dropped 60 pounds with no effort at all. Since I had always been overweight I was pretty excited.

Night after night I would go to bed with a giant cup of water next to my bed that I would continue to drink all night as I woke up in between to go to the bathroom. I had to go to the bathroom all day long but that was only because I drank a lot. No biggie.

Well, now I can look back and see what my body was telling me.

One night at Drum rehearsal my band director asked me if I felt okay. I felt a little dizzy but had almost grown accustomed to it so I told him I felt fine. (READ MORE)

nkzs

“What about honey?”

We came back to "Honey" 4 times in this exchange. I was going nuts.

Here is the deal, I am working at a church retreat in a few weeks and I was approached by the person in charge of food for the weekend regarding food choices. Apparently there are going to be some other people with diabetes attending the weekend and they thought they would get my suggestions. (READ MORE)

thadz

This last weekend was a busy one. Between soccer, church, and work we were not able to find the time to do our regular Sunday grocery shopping.

So come Monday I knew I would have to pick up lunch instead of bring it with me to work. For the last 3 months I have completely fallen off the Weight Watchers wagon. I have gained some weight and frankly, I am not in the mood to care right now. Life has been a struggle lately and unfortunately my weight loss drew the short straw.

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Over the weekend I got high. I mean sky high!

My infusion set must have been bad because no matter all the bolusing I did nothing would get my blood sugar to come down.

I woke up on Saturday morning a little high but was not too concerned. I knew I needed to change my site that morning before leaving for a two and half hour drive away. I had a meeting for a church retreat that I was to be at all day. I changed my site, took some insulin to bring my BG down and headed out.

On the way we stopped to pick up breakfast. I check my blood and was higher then I was earlier. I figured it was because of the time I disconnect from my pump to shower and bolus for breakfast and a correction for the high and move on.

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cruzbrasil

I lost it yesterday.

It was hot and sticky yesterday evening and we had been at a barbecue to welcome our new pastor into town. After having a great time, we headed home to unwind, get some laundry done, and basically get ready for the work week ahead.

When I walked into my house it felt like a sauna. It was terribly hot and stuffy. I turned on the air conditioner to cool things down a bit and gathered up my laundry to do. As I walked through the living room I realized the cool breeze I usually get hit with from the vent was nonexistent. I stuck my hand up in front of the vent and felt a very faint draft but that was it.

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I received a comment on my post from yesterday that really struck a chord with me. The reader commented that their parents had died from diabetes and that they would die from it too.

When I read that I got choked up because honestly, I feel the same way.

Sure I plan on fighting the fight and checking my blood as often as I am supposed to. Of course I will continue to work on my A1C and losing weight. I am not giving up on life at all. But, in the back of my mind I “know” that diabetes is going to win in the end.

Will it be heart disease, kidney failure, or a stroke? Maybe something else. Who knows?

The fact is that with all the steps I take to live healthy the odds are against me. Diabetes has the upper hand which makes me sad and angry at the same time.

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